I put my clothes back on, just yelled loudly, "I'm going to leave and give you privacy, I hope you feel better. It was quite a while before we had a real conversation again. That incident was never brought up. I get to tell this to every single person I meet cause my douchebag friends think it's a great icebreaker for parties.
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Doing cowgirl, approaching the half-hour mark, both of us enjoying ourselves tremendously. I've been sitting on the coast waiting for her to pull up to the beach so we could dive into the orgasm ocean together. She finally arrives and starts sprinting past me into the water if you know what I'm saying , I try to slow her down because for whatever reason orgasms feel much better if we come at the same time. I don't know what I could say that would slow her down, but not me, but keep us both excited.
This would have been okay, if not for the fact that I also had to sneeze.
As we both came down from it, we were both laughing hysterically. I apologized profusely for my stupidity, but she replies with, "why the Fonz? She's my current girlfriend of 3 years. Happened about 2 years ago. I wasn't even alive when Happy Days was an airing sitcom. Had a crush on this guy in university. Starts making out with me, and I'm like "ok, cool, he's hot so who cares". Except he gets really into it, really fast, and cums in his pants.
I was like "yeah, no. Dated a girl for a while, broke up with here and got back together.
Thanksgiving comes around and my aunt likes to drink a few bottles of wine to her face and then cry about her dead dad was there. Me and my ex decide to go upstairs for a little sexy time. I end up finishing on my bed. Whatever I was young, I didn't care.
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We hear foot steps coming up stairs, so we scramble, I throw a pillow over my spunk and we hear a nock on my door. It's my drunk aunt. She come in and ask what we are doing, then proceeded to sit down on my bed, moving the pillow and put her hand in my cum. She asks why it's wet and i respond to her with "that's my cum". She completely blows it off and then continues to ask my ex if her heart was broken. She starts crying and I'm just sitting there like, thug life. Looking at my aunt will never be the same. My sophomore year of University, I was seeing this freshman girl.
We were fooling around in her dorm room, when she says she's ready to try anal She was not ready to try anal. Long story short, she shat on my dick, I had to walk down the dorm hallway, with shit on my dick covered by a towel. She started crying, and I had my roommate come pick me up. Freshman year of college, I was a girl looking for some justification I was attractive. The first time a guy took me how we started doing the dirty, when all of the sudden I feel a sharp pain and then see blood.
Splattered on the walls, in a huge pile on the sheets, like the elevator doors had been opened. The poor guy gave me a towel to clean myself up but when I realized it was a lost cause, I ran to his bathroom cleaning up the trail of blood behind me with the towel and stood in his shower for 20 min. Why would I want to be a part of this role play scenario? No one wants to role play as James Harden and Anthony Scaramucci. But in my head, I'm like this can't get worse.
He won't do anything to me so I kind of guide his hand down. Then he puts his fingers in. Does not move them. The awkwardness is palpable and he needs a way to break it. I'm all for consent. But there are good ways and bad ways to ask for consent. Want to have sex? I figure if he's this bad at foreplay he must have something going for him. He asks if I want him to get a condom. He grabs a condom and opens it.
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I'm even more astounded by what he said after. I text my roommate telling her to call me and fake an emergency and he venmos me for my Uber back home. I get home and realized that I left my tie there. So I message him via Venmo asking him if he can bring it to my dorm. I'm like yeah whatever just give me the tie. He then tells me that he wore the tie to chapter like I'm supposed to think that's hot or something??
44 Of The Craziest Random (But True) Hookup Stories You’ve Ever Heard
Idk what this guy is thinking ever. I'm just like, "You wore someone else's clothes without their permission?
He's about to leave before he asks me if he should text me. I'm amazed that this boy does not know how awful everything was so I just told him, "You have my venmo. My 2 and half year relationship with my ex was essentially a hookup everytime we saw each other.
44 Of The Craziest Random (But True) Hookup Stories You’ve Ever Heard | Thought Catalog
We only saw each other every months or so and sometimes a lot longer. The only thing we did when we got together was have sex. First ever time we saw each other, we went into a Shoppers drugmart store and got condoms and lube. The dude at the cash looked at me like "ayy I see you brotha" and gave me a cheeky smile. My ex and I laughed about it occasionally. The summer after I graduated high school I went on vacation to California to visit relatives. We stayed at their house for a week and I kept hearing about their next door neighbor who was apparently a hippie artist kind of guy basically, exactly my type when I was One night everyone went to bed early and while laying awake I heard the neighbor playing his banjo outside.
So I mustered up the courage to introduce myself. We ended up hanging out and talking all night and eventually started hooking up.
8 Awkward AF Hookup Stories That Will Make You Afraid To Get Laid Again
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