Be prepared for consequences you might not like
Pretending they aren't dating is not a viable solution, so you might as well deal with it. Approach the conversation with a goal in mind. Do you want an apology? Do you want to know XYZ?
Do you want him to never talk about XYZ? Do you just want to say your piece? This will help keep you on track if things get difficult. Try to stay focused and calm during the conversation - remember that he didn't do this to hurt you - and don't be afraid to take a step back if you need to. If your goal is just "be not awkward around Mike", what would that look like for you? Try to frame it as unemotionally as possible. Perhaps this means "we won't talk about Jane", "we will acknowledge each other at events and act civilly, but I won't expect him to talk to me one-on-one".
Take this to your conversation, too, and discuss ground rules and expectations for your relationship with Mike going forward.
If Mike responds poorly, that sucks, but now you know. Talk to your other friends in the group - they are surely aware of the situation - about how to approach it.
Is it OK to Date Your Friend’s Ex?
Maybe you can get together without Mike on occasion try not to make them pick sides, though , or maybe you just need to distance yourself for a while. Hopefully they will be understanding. If they take sides, that's again very unfortunate, but sometimes happens, and I suggest AndreiROM's advice to find a new group that is more caring about you.
I had such a conversation a few months ago. While it didn't magically make everything OK, the strategy of preparing questions and getting them answered made me feel satisfied that it went about as well as possible, and helped my peace of mind about dealing with that particular person in the future. Your story is a little confusing, however the overarching theme is that your ex, and your friends are walking all over you.
It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex – and this is why
My advice to you is to look deep inside, realize that you're worth more than this, and move on with your life. Here are some hard facts:. Anyone willing to hook up with your friend behind your back is not worth the time of day. She's a cheater, and always will be. Purge every trace of her from your life. Any so called friend who would hook up with your girlfriend behind your back is a back-stabbing fiend, and not worth having around. You seem to be in a fragile state of mind, but those things cannot be ignored.
If you think you can simply rejoin the circle of "friends", and act like nothing's happened, then you think less of yourself than even they do. I urge you to find new friends. Get out there, join a club, start up a new hobby! Find a reason to gain value in your own self before seeking the approval of strangers.
Learn a new language and travel. Start painting, hiking, wall climbing, whatever captures your imagination. But stop fixating on these leeches you seem to think are your friends. You're young, and it seems like without these people in your life you may be left alone, but give yourself some time to gain perspective.
Trust in your own worth, and abilities.
- Wait - Is It Ever Acceptable To Date Your Friend's Ex??
- Consider the factors.
Focus on having this episode in your life become the moment you changed for the better, not on how you might ingratiate yourself with a bunch of back-stabbing a-holes who care nothing for you. This is a situation I've found myself on all sides of over the years. The times I found myself in your position, there was usually the instinct to think and sometimes say:. It hurts to feel rejected by a partner, it hurts more when your friend " betrays " you and starts seeing your ex. I know how that feels and I know it sucks. Even if your friend had come to you first and told you about their intentions, it still hurts.
It's easy to say that if they had done things this way, or that way, it would hurt less, but in my experience it doesn't. Having been in the others roles of this situation, I can tell you that they didn't do that to you. They most likely got together the way most couples do, and that didn't really have anything to do with you. They're not dating to hurt you, they're dating because they like each other. My issue is that given our history, I have no idea what my appropriate attitude should be towards them and how to interact with them when it comes to it.
What would be a mature way to handle it, without me looking like a beaten dog? I know that's hard to hear right now, I hated hearing it too, and I hated saying it more. Realistically it's all you can do if you want to have any sort of peaceful relationship with these people. Also, being happy for them and moving on shows that you're not a "beaten dog" It shows that you're strong enough to not let this stuff get to you. It takes a lot of strength to carry on after a hard breakup, and it's better try to do it gracefully. Being happy for them shows that you're confident, and ok with your self as much as it says that you're ok with them.
One of the key ingredients in any healthy relationship be it business, friendship, or romance, is Trust. When your friend violated the ideal that you listed he destroyed your trust in him. This is extremely damaging to a relationship. If these two had been honest and had wanted to not betray you they would have A told you they were going to date each other.
B she would have broken up with you before sleeping with someone else. I have to applaud your forgiving attitude towards your girlfriends initially. It takes a lot of effort and courage to forgive betrayals like you suffered.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. Don't hang out with either of them. If they show up at a party, just say hi and go find someone else to talk too. Don't invite them to anything you plan. If any one asks why you are treating them this way tell them something along the lines of, "They betrayed my trust. I will be polite to them, But I have no desire to be around them. Try this on for size. You are presuming that Mike owed you some sort of interaction about this, and you are disappointed you didn't get it.
Ok, now you also call yourself an introvert. If the shoe were on the other foot, and you were dating Mike's ex, would it have occurred to you that you owed Mike a conversation? Ok, if it did Would you feel eager to have that conversation? Maybe Mike or Jane is going through that. If there's tension in the room, it maybe ain't just yours. Or for that matter, they could have tension you do not. Some of the tension might be imagined worry over what the other might think. You can look to the past and count all the ways your feelings hurt.
Or you can look to the future and decide what kind of relationship you'd like to have with them going forward. The clearer and more self-true you are on this, the better it will work. And then you can outreach them and figure out where they're at. It may be they are relieved to know that what they presumed to be a problem for you is in fact not. Also, cut your ex some slack. It's hard to navigate them well even when both of you have the best character and intentions.
It's the human condition but it doesn't define our choices. Thank you for your interest in this question. Because it has attracted low-quality or spam answers that had to be removed, posting an answer now requires 10 reputation on this site the association bonus does not count. Would you like to answer one of these unanswered questions instead?
Home Questions Tags Users Unanswered. How to interact with a friend dating my ex-girlfriend when we hang out? If they cheated on your friend in a previous relationship you will feel that they might do the same to you. This will lead your usual carefree attitude into a state of jealousy and paranoia.
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Since your friends hated him a mere 4 months ago what has changed? You will find yourself fighting with this friend more than usual. The fights would be over the pettiest things that would normally not matter. These arguments are being caused because you are dating their ex, if you haven't realized that already. Be warned if you ask your friend if it is about the fact that you are dating their ex it will explode even further. Unfortunately, from the moment you get with the ex it will be tainted and you will come to somewhat hate your friend.
You will create a battle in your head between him or her and the friendship will never recover. Now you are beginning to realize it wasn't really worth it aren't you? This relationship will leave you feeling jaded, disgruntled and really not yourself. Even if it isn't a big deal that you date him, your friends will think otherwise.
Best case scenario for this one is, yes you've guessed it, not to date them at all. It's a lose-lose situation really. Life Aug 25, By Lauren Rol. Going out Lauren Rol college life ex friends relationships. See more from Lauren Rol. A UCD graduate who spends most of her time watching the Soaps.