Taking, as opposed to receiving, is fundamentally selfish. It is what might be called recreational kissing. Following the above logic, what if someone usually the man gets aroused kissing his girlfriend goodnight — tenderly and briefly? Must he refrain from kissing her goodnight? No, as long as he never makes that arousal a goal, but seeks simply to manifest his warm feelings toward his sweetheart.
Then give her a big, slow hug, pressing your cheek against hers and feeling the warmth as a way of proclaiming your real warm feelings for her. I dated until I was 33, and entered the seminary at I have worked with a good number of couples who have struggled with chastity, and after years of little success in helping them reform, I stumbled on an approach that has worked. I have asked them to try an experiment for a month: They should hug several times in succession as often as they like instead of French kissing, and should only kiss goodnight, tenderly, gently, standing up.
But hugging is for many a more profound sign of intimacy than kissing. Alas, in many marriages there is little hugging because couples were so involved in kissing and other activities during courtship, that they totally forgot about hugging. However, recent studies have shown that lengthy hugging in marriage has a measurable beneficial effect on the partners, including the production of oxytocin a bonding chemical , reduced blood pressure and a reduction in cortisol a stress hormone in the woman. A number of the couples who have tried this mega-hugs program have found that they liked it, and those who were not living chastely were able to reform and live chastely.
And, of course, they found their relationship became far more personal and less selfish. To be sure, there are other forms of affection besides hugging: Are there other dangers besides certain physical acts that could lead to unchastity?
At the end of my rope.
One young woman at a great Catholic college met the love of her life there. She had found her true soul-mate and just had to spend as much time with him as possible co-dependence. She was a chastity speaker, so she was committed to having a chaste relationship. The more she clung to her sweetheart — who was equally taken with her — the more her head spun with exhilaration.
And, after some months of this, she went home pregnant. Needless to say, that was the end of her chastity talks. The point is that an unbridled heart can lead to unchaste behavior despite any commitment to the contrary. Lewis was right on the money when he wrote that if someone makes a god out of eros, this emotional love, it will become a demon and destroy him or her. This is just a person, not God. You still have to have a life apart from this person, an integrated life.
This thing that seems infinite is not. High school romance is another dangerous thing.
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- Ask Mary: “How Far is Too Far?” The Church Has A Really Practical Answer! | Mary Pearson Blog.
- How kissing affects chastity - By Anthony Buono.
Romantic dating in high school is playing with dynamite. When two teens are in a hard-core relationship, there are only two things they can do from their perspective to solidify it: Most know it would be stupid to get married at that age. I wish more knew how stupid it would be to have sex at that age. They look at some of the problems of their classmates and decide that this is not what they want.
Would that all teens would take that advice. Why do teens get into these fatal romances? In some cases they need someone to talk to. Perhaps they are not getting along well at home — a not too rare occurrence — and they need a friend.
How kissing affects chastity
Unfortunately, when they get into a co-dependent relationship, especially if it includes sex, they often find that their outside-the-home rock on which they were depending, is far less firm than the rock of their family from which they were fleeing. Perhaps the best approach for teens who need peer support is to have one or two really good friends of either sex, with whom they talk about all sorts of things without being exploited sexually.
This sort of non-possessive friendship is a far better preparation for marriage than the clingy, desperate relationships so many young people go for. The latter, are a great preparation for divorce. So, we ought to at least encourage teens to pursue the friendship route, because it is really good for them and will save them from big-time troubles.
We may be surprised when they take us up on it. In any case, we should teach them about the need to control the heart by reason, so that when they are old enough to marry and they get into a courtship, they know what to do to remain chaste and to have gentle but deep intimacy. If we compromise the truth, we will have much to answer for when we meet the Lord.
If it is true, it is the way to happiness, and we need not apologize for it.
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So what are the norms for sharing affection in courtship? Lots of chaste hugs, holding hands, kissing her hand, touching her face gently, head in the lap of the other.
What should be avoided? French kissing, any act which is very likely tocause arousal, and intending arousal. By following this behavior pattern in courtship, couples may lose some pleasure but will gain a whole lot of personal intimacy — with each other and with God — and happiness.
The prolonged kiss on the lips is a gesture that represents something more or at least it should. It represents a willing offering of the heart. Particularly for a woman, a kiss represents the invitation to pursue her heart further. Men should greatly respect this aspect of a women. And a good man is going to feel the same way. The alternative is the risk of heartbreak on either side, men as well as women. If there was kissing involved in a relationship that ends, no matter how brief, there is more given away than just the lips. In that kiss is given the affection that is rooted in the heart.
Ask Mary: “How Far is Too Far?” The Church Has A Really Practical Answer!
Every young girl dreams of her first kiss. Boys typically do not. They simply want to kiss a girl.
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Girls want to fall in love. The kiss is a symbol of that possibility. Boys just want to kiss for the pleasure of it. Girls want it to be so much more than that. And they have the power to inspire boys to feel that way too. In that respect, a woman can lead a man in chastity. But a man who has this sensibility and lives it in his dating life inspires the heart of a woman. Saving your kiss for your future spouse may be difficult if not impossible for the modern world to practice, but it is wise to try and do.
Kissing is definitely a precursor. Preserving your kiss also helps preserve your virginity for your future spouse. It means those who just want sex from you will flee pretty quickly.
You are worth the wait. The physical action of kissing is the first line of defense, and to express a physical kiss is to challenge the guards. Once past this guard, other physical allowances will then be challenged and succumbed to. Let this external expression happen and the interior will is weakened. The more you do it, the weaker your will. It is folly to assume that purity can be maintained with passionate kissing.
Perhaps there are rare people who have such strong self control that they can kiss deeply and stop there. But most of us cannot. There really is no place for this kind of kissing among two practicing, unmarried Christians. It is too dangerous, and our call to chastity requires we guard against stirring the passions. I suggest focusing on the principle of kissing.
We need more unmarried persons considering this. We need more virgins coming to the altar of the Lord on wedding days. I am convinced that kissing has much to do with why there are not more people who have saved themselves for their wedding day. I realize those dating are faced with the expectations to have sex, even among Catholics, and that my kissing opinion seems unrealistic.
We live in a sex obsessed world. Sadly, the kiss is not considered sacred, just as virginity is not.