Your goal at this point is to get things off OKC and in person as quickly as possible. You can exchange a few more flirty messages if you really want to, but at this point, everything you do on the site should be in pursuit of an exit strategy. Schedule a casual date focused on meeting and seeing if you're attracted to the person. If you meet the person and don't really hit it off, it's perfectly fine to end things there.
Best second message online dating
Keep in mind, too, that people are exchanging a flurry of messages with a lot of potential partners. I've exchanged messages with probably 4 or 5 times the number of people I've actually met in person. I will go further than others, though. Your photos look like they are all self-portraits.
Instead, you want at least three photos taken in different locations preferably outside , showing yourself in a series of interesting and fun activities. Try to look directly into the camera and smile or laugh while the photo is taken. Find a friend who is also online dating; maybe you can go kayaking together with a waterproof camera and get silly with poses. Be in the photos the kind of guy that you want to be in your profile. Conversation is going to be stilted at the beginning with practically anyone, but try to find something in their profile that sounds truly interesting to you, and ask questions about it.
Make it sound like you are interested. Do some online research if you need to know how to ask the right questions. But don't take it too seriously if conversation falls off. Ask to meet in real life after you have received responses from the person you're emailing, no fewer. Be aware that it's likely to have a terrible conversation in real life when you've been emailing back and forth merrily, and it's also likely to have a great conversation in real life with someone who you weren't sure was your type online.
So send emails to as many girls as you can, and don't take it personally if you don't get responses or things don't work out. And try to get out and do some fun things in the real world, outside of dates and outside of your regular comfort zone.
The *second* message
If you're meeting new people in real life, you'll be regularly exercising your ability to start conversations, and you will have less anxiety and nervousness online and on dates. I just sent you a message about this. Yes, the expression in your pictures is really off-putting. People are going to make inferences about your personality from that expression, whether they're accurate or not.
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Go for either a smile or a natural, relaxed look - recruit friend s to snap a couple pictures if you have to. Ask for their opinions on the pictures, even - even better if they're female friends. Agree with Sara C - the second round should be "hey wanna meet for coffee? Definitely get rid of the 3rd picture, it makes you look way worse than you actually look. The last picture also barely shows your face, it serves on purpose on a dating site. And yes, smile in a picture or two so you look friendly, and find a picture or two where you're doing something other than taking pictures of yourself.
Make a joke or say something silly in your profile. When I read your profile, between the debate thing, the public speaking minor, and the description about why you like each movie, I thought "man, this guy would talk my ear off about crap that I did not even say I was interested in. Instead of saying "I enjoy writing romance fiction, primarily collaboratively. I can't say if it's any good or not, but it's fun to write" say something like "I like to think it's good, but who knows, maybe you'll mock me for being cheesy if I ever let you read any of it" It doesn't have to be this specific sentence, or it doesn't have to be about your writing, but something that hints at playful interaction with your potential future date is good.
Mention what you want in a girl. Reading your profile, I can see that you like a lot of serious stuff and you are smart and like to code and learn things. Now mention how a girl can potentially fit into your life. You like to cook? Awesome, say that you are always interested in finding new music and going to shows. Show your playful side. Sound more excited about the things your like in your profile. The 1 thing girls say they want is a guy who makes them laugh. So make sure you don't sound too serious in your messages that you write. And don't get discouraged, the reply rate on dating sites is pretty low, and even after that most conversations just don't go past exchanges, that's just how it works.
Your profile makes me think "this guy wants to talk," which for me, is a different kind of impression than "this guy wants to listen to me. And if you want to do something, whether it's exploring some new restaurant, food cart, bar, or something more interesting; I'd love to hear from you. And yes, this does mean conversation for conversation's sake.
If this is an impression you feel represents you well, then that is awesome. However, in all your writing about talking, you don't list topics that particularly interest you for discussion. Despite all the other information in your profile and there is lots of other information! Or that you are so used to talking that it's what you do. Your profile is very dense. Which is good, there is a lot there.
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But it could use some editing for clarity, smoothness and brevity. It all felt like a first draft to me. As a former debater, this would be distracting. Pasta and bread are my favorite foods to make from scratch. Even though my raviolis always come out a little lumpy, they're the first to disappear at a potluck. I love being in the outdoors, and fishing from my kayak is relaxing be careful with mentioning that you don't get to do something often enough.
People who aren't brave enough to make time for their passions while complaining about not having time are kind of annoying, especially when they are attempting to get me to be another activity in their life. I don't want to be or feel like the reason you aren't out on the river. In high school and early college I was on the debate team, and I still love discussing current events and hearing what my friends and relatives think of As for getting from the online conversation to the in person meeting, it has to be suggested, and sooner is better than later.
Remember, you always want to be different. Your profile and pictures will get her to reply to your opener. Let me give you an example of what a girl recently sent me. I limit myself to one emoticon per message.
HAHA cut that needy shit out. Just remember, online girls go cold really quickly. Using this method will work. It may take some of you longer than others. It all depends on what she says. I like to mix things up. You still layed one girl. I think most girls go with that initial gut instinct when they see a guy's profile and pictures.
So in a funny way, trying too hard to get a reply is actually counter-productive in the long run. What word do you think they would pick? I always gave the same reply and it got boring so I told them they cant ask me the same question and I'm sure they are creative enough to think of their own. At dude Do you pitch the date on site or do you move them along to facebook or a phone number for texting? I find that asking to hang out on facebook has a higher success rate then asking on the dating site.
Originally posted by AlphaVirgin View Post. My second message is pretty standard what do you do for work and play? There's no hook involved, but they'll most always reply.
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Just make sure, if you aren't already doing this, to first add a tie-in to what she previously said, cause otherwise it'll sound like you're just ignoring what she says and throwing questions at her. Recently switched my 2nd to a quick, usually playful response to what she gave me back from my opener, followed by a qualifying question. Then again, I think my opener is direct enough to weed out anyone who wouldn't actually hang, so I just have to not fuck up after they respond.