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Might depend on how many beads you can fit without shedding a tear. I can have them here in five. More realistically, my credit card digits. I wish I knew what it is about my Internet footprint that deems me the likeliest man in the world to purchase cyber-sex. Once upon a time, I could drop a cell phone into a pitcher of beer and effectively wipe out contact with every girl who had so much as given me three-quarters of a blowjob. Now bitches got my Gmail, my Facebook, my Twitter handle, my Instagram feed, my hand modeling portfolio … the list of channels through which they can endlessly nag, criticize and beg to sit on my face again is exhaustive and, to my dismay, inescapable.

Go Kerouacking on a mother fucker. Which in translates to turning off cell phone notifications for a few hours. The Catfish Modus Operandi: The Sugar Baby Modus Operandi: Legal passage into and habitation of Yoo-Ess-Amereeka! A willing cock and perhaps a pizza.


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The Chatroulette Prankster Modus Operandi: Perhaps to be publicly broadcast on YouTube. The Predator Catcher Modus Operandi: The Casual Encounter Modus Operandi: If I were a poster on Casual Encounters, our exchange might go something like this: My Ex-Girlfriend Modus Operandi: Read Next Gene scans solving mystery diseases. Trending Now on NYPost.

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10 Breeds of Terrible Chicks You’ll Encounter Online and How to Avoid Them

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