Towards the end, he asked: I think its rude. Especially if someone takes the time to write a message. They are clearly interested in you. The least you can do is say thank you but no thank you. Its a coward move…. Plus its good karma. I completely disagree with your points. It is polite, and with class. We are told to write a personalized message, to reach the other person, to invest time, and effort in reading, and understanding the profile that she has created for us to read, and our introduction has to reflect that.
Hence, a personalized approach and investment into what the profile reads. Once I have done that, and I have crafted a personalized message, checked my grammar, checked appropriateness, checked for good taste, and send it over. I understand not everybody will like me and jump immediately to reply.
We all have our own types, and likes, and dislikes. So, whenever I receive an interest email from a woman who I do not find attractive, or does not fit my criteria, I simply politely reply, thank you, but not interested, and wish you luck.
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It is only a couple of seconds. That is all what is necessary. When I receive those, which I have, I understand they have read my email, I am not guessing what is on her mind, and she said no. I move on to the next one, and do not bother her anymore. I only initiated few emails, and I had received no response at all. But it became backfire for me, since those guys would keep chasing me, sending emails.
Other online situation, other that online dating, I still believe that giving a reply is obligatory. I found this site helpful as I started online dating within the past month.
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- Online Dating Etiquette: Five Tips No One Will Tell You | HuffPost.
I find that it goes either way with category 2 men: At times I have really enjoyed initial chats, but ultimately decide to close that door, and these men seem to have a decent level of etiquette and no WWIII occurs…. My focus is the men of category 1 and 3: It has always, always, devolved into a back-and-forth, ending with me blocking them: This man, however, clearly thought of himself as a catch: I indicated that, having been open to this dating style in the past, I was clearly neither making assumptions nor against the process.
I simply reiterated I respected his process and I should hope that he could respect mine, as we both created our process from our past experiences. I again thanked him for keeping the dialogue respectful, and wished him the best as we go our separate ways.
Hoping I would not have to hear from him again, he replied three messages worth: I think about these types of men and how they would treat a woman in public, or in private. So, in sum, I agree—no message is the online version of averting the gaze, to show disinterest. Once I messaged back such a suitor and he took umbrage to the point of continuing to send me sarcastic, insulting messages so that I had to block him.
Guys have passed me over and a few have explained that I was too old even though they were my age or older and they had no stated age criteria or too thin. I am a prize for any man looking for a petite, fit, educated, financially self sufficient woman in my age group. I could pass myself off as 10 or more years younger, in fact, but some guys seem to have very high opinions of themselves.
However, when it is my turn, I have the right to discriminate as well. It is only when it comes to our romantic partners and friends that we are free to be biased, arbitrary, and to favor based on any personal preferences. That works both ways, though. I have sent out hundreds of messages, and often follow-up with messages asking why I got no reply. People have seemed shocked and sometimes upset at me being so forward. If they truly felt no guilt for their actions they would just throw away my follow-up and block me.
Insanity is doing the same think over and over and expecting a different result. My pet hates are firstly men sending you what sound like blanket messages often simply a cut and paste from the first para from their profile. Second hate is their complete disregard for your profile requirements; i. I specify wanting to get to know people local to my city and yet I receive countless emails from across the world. Does anybody actually bother to ready anything about you before they send out their blanket emails? Too rude, and happens too often!
Online Dating Etiquette: Five Tips No One Will Tell You
I think if more women expressed clear displeasure that men would perhaps begin to get the idea they are doing something wrong. Which is unfortunately a tough nut to crack. Well, in my attempt to be polite, I replied to his inquiry on whether I lost interest by saying: Instead, I will say that I wish you the best of luck in your search for Mrs.
And I thought that, if you are actually requesting whether I had lost interest instead of simply inferring it from the fact that I have not messaged you in days, then the least I could do is reply.
I am very sorry that you received such a reply Fay. I think that online etiquette among males is dreadfully shameful right now. I agree with your sentiments that it was evidence you made the right choice. Most of the women are cool with this. But I feel like a jerk when they say, "I remember you, I thought you were very charming, would you like to get a drink?
I'm sensitive to hurting people's feelings and I have no idea how to say, thanks but no thinks in a diplomatic way. Should I bite the bullet and just go on these dates anyway? I am not one to ignore emails or messages if someone is nice enough to contact me. But I am very sensitive to leading people on.
Ladies, is there an acceptable way for a man to tell you, thanks but no thanks, and not think he's a jerk? Seriously, that's the kindest possible way to turn someone down online. She'll get the hint. You are not the Infinite and Eternal One that she is hanging her hopes of romance and happiness on. I'm not sure exactly what you should do, but it absolutely should not be this. I agree that ignoring the emails is the way to go. I'm in a similar situation, and the part of me that values kindness and tact tells me I should respond to the messages I receive.
Logically, though, I've come to realize that when I'm not interested, there's nothing I can say that will feel less bad to the person than ignoring them. Conversely, I'm pretty shy to message someone, and when I do, I'd much rather not hear from them than get some canned "sorry, I'm not interested" or "sorry, you're not my type. If it's someone you know in person, and you'd like to be friends with them: If they persist, just ignore them. Being direct is not being a jerk. If you are vague, you will be perceived as a jerk if they think you're leading them on. Anyone who's been dating online for any amount of time will recognize a lack of response as the most polite way of indicating a lack of interest.
It's still not actually polite , per se, just the least unpleasant way of indicating it. It sucks, and it's a little maddening when you're on the other end of it and waiting for someone to reply, but it's a skill one must cultivate. There isn't really a way to tell someone you're not attracted to them in a way that will land as softly as you're hoping. The exception is if you're already met them in person. If you want to reject someone that you've met in person, you first dump praise on them "you're a really awesome person, a lot of fun," whatever and then you say that, while they are really cool people, you just didn't feel that in-person chemistry that you're looking for.
Emphasize that this is not a fault on either person's side. They'll feel a little deflated for a half-hour or so and then it's on to the next profile. Yes, ignoring is the polite signal for 'not interested' in online dating culture.
Online dating tips and etiquette: is it rude not to reply?
The scenario you mentioned is pretty much the exact reason I stopped dating online. Like you, I was getting contacted by men I knew in my town. Unlike you, I also teach in the town where I live so sometimes I'd be getting asked out on dates by men whose kids were my students. That was really weird.
Even though most people in the online dating thing know that no response is fine, I never could do that because y'know, I'd see these people in town and at work So I ended up replying by saying thanks for the offer but I just met someone and want to see where it goes. It seemed less harsh than saying I wasn't interested in them in particular, and I think most people understand that you're really just being polite.
I disagree that you should do the ignore thing. You've met them in social situations around town, you're likely to meet them again. I agree with desjardins that "I don't think we're a match, but Also, they have friends. A people pleaser indeed!
You do not owe anyone a date. It's important to learn that for your own well-being, sometimes you have to say no, and I agree with others who have said that in this situation the best way to say no is just not to reply. If you've met them face to face before and want to be friends but not date, then just tell them that. If they want an explanation, feel free to say "I would prefer not to", or simply not reply, as you prefer. If you don't want to risk burning a bridge with them, you could offer coffee in the daytime, but that's really optional.
Yeah, if you've met them in person you can't do the ignore. I like desjardin's advice "I don't think we're a match I can deal much better with the straightforward approach when there isn't some sort of evaluation of me involved. When you haven't met the person, ignore. Even though I don't place huge emotions in whatever happens with online dating, it kind of sucks to see you have a new message, open it and get a no. I usually just think the person is full of themselves enough to think I'm just hanging on their reply. I also don't send those messages to people who message me, when I don't want to go on a date with them.
Agreeing that no response is the usual internet dating way to handle this. It's important to remember that e-dating values are different than RL values for better or worse , and not responding is perfectly OK, even preferred. That said, if you do need to respond, simply say 'Thanks, but no thanks'. And then do not communicate any further, even when prodded.
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I'll go against the grain and say it strikes me a guy as polite to send a quick I'll-pass note, 'specially if the person's taken the time to write more than a sentence or two. If you're concerned about follow-ups, you can send the note and block the people. Goodness, ignoring people is the polite thing nowadays? I much more would rather get a 'thank you, but no thank you' response then being blanked.
Unless someone is being a jerk, or being aggressive, not responding just seems like the easy-for-me avoidance solution, not the polite solution. Polite to me way to do it: I am sorry, but I am not interested right now. Either Ambient2 or edgeways notes are fine. Sure they may be bummed, but at least they'll know where they stand and they can move onto someone else. Random ladies you don't know, I think it's safe to ignore. No wondering if the person got your email, and no awkwardness. A quick response and onto the next person.
I agree that "Thanks for your message but I don't think we'd be a good match" is the polite way to go. It's how I'd want to be treated so I used that as my guide. I generally vote for "ignore" in these situations, but I have experience with this sort of situation that makes me feel like you may want to actually say something. When a person that I knew from around town -- not a friend, acquaintance, or even someone I'd ever actually spoken with, just someone I'd seen around at a few topical events -- found me on OKC, he wrote me a message immediately asking me out on a date.
I ignored it because he was so very much not my type physically that it would be an impossible gap to breach, many of his OKC answers were diametrically opposed to mine including the fact that he wanted kids and I do not, which is dealbreaker territory in your 30s ; besides, we did not actually know each other at all.
How to politely decline people on internet dating sites? - etiquette | Ask MetaFilter
Ignoring his message felt similar to ignoring those gas station attendants that always ask you for your phone number when you just want to buy gas. A month or so later, I disabled my account because having an exceedingly busy life had utterly superseded any desire to date. A few days later, he found my email address we belong to a local email list that, hatefully, does not use blind carbon copy and sent me an message asking if he was the reason I disabled my OKC account.
At that point, I stopped attending the events I would see him at and never again returned. When I see him now, I avert my eyes. He did not have the courage to ever speak to me in person, ever: Thinking that disabling my OKC account had anything to do with him whatsoever: I should have just said no. I've literally never gotten a "thanks, but no thanks" response online , but I definitely have after I've gone on multiple, increasingly awkward dates with people who did not like me at all but were, I guess, trying to be nice? There's no need to waste everyone's time with that approach.