10 simple rules of dating my daughter

Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay.

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Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been.

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But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi.

When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight, speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. Reblogged this on Sinking Deep.

My dad looked over my date and if he had dirty, unpolished shoes, instructions were given the next morning to either tell the guy to polish his shoes, or refuse to date him. Daddy always though a young man should have a firm grip when shaking his hand. Laughter is still bubbling up in me! Shared to my Facebook page! They definitely put a smile on my face! But, I do have a son who took a girl to the HS prom and went up against a father like this….. Needless to say he had his girl friend home early and was scared to dance with her thinking that somebody would report back that they were dancing to close!!!!!!

LOL So far he is still living, but the memory remains…. I do not think all of these rules are truly serious and accurate.

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However, the spirit and intent of the rules is explained very well. I agree with you on your comment about being truly serious… How ever the ladies should be treated with respect!!!! Always a funny read. Always a good read. Thanks for the laugh!

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This was one of the funniest things I have read in a long time. I am hoping that I will soon have a chance to share this with my husband, as he will enjoy it, too. As the parents of three daughters, my husband and I often used to discuss how to handle their dating. He mentioned he might buy a large assortment of guns and knives, then be in the process of cleaning and reloading them while interviewing prospective dates. I gave it for the first time to my first son-in-law, and have offered it recently to the young fellow who plans to marry my second daughter. Then at Christmas, I extended the offer to the fellow who was dating my niece.

This article is a good wake-up call to the value of daughters and the duty of families to protect them well. Keep up the good work! I could have used this when my daughter was dating and I was talking to the kids.


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Like 7 the best! This post reminds me of when my dad would wait for my dates to show up with his t-shirt sleeves rolled up and holding a beer. This was all a method of intimidation for my date, but it certainly got the message across! Reblogged this on vwoods and commented: Laugh of the day. You are funnier than a triple amputee in a room full of mosquitoes! Got a discussion topic that's not necessarily related to technology? Well, come on in and join the Speakeasy forum to discuss a wide variety of non-technical related topics with your fellow community members--discussions can range from today's hottest news items to sharing your latest fishing tale--the sky is the limit.

Bruce Cameron Please do not remove the copyright from this essay When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend?

8 Simple Rules of Dating my Teenage Daughter

He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out a handshake that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds. Now, years later, it is my turn to be the dad. Remembering how unfairly persecuted I felt when I would pick up my dates, I do my best to make my daughter? I see you have your nose pierced. Is that because you? As a dad, I have some basic rules, which I have carved into two stone tablets that I have on display in my living room.

If you pull into my driveway and honk you? You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter?

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I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day.


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Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is? I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.

If you make her cry, I will make you cry.


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  4. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don?