The reason I did all these unavailable things was because I feared commitment.
I feared losing myself, feeling trapped, love not lasting, feeling stifled, feeling limited, on and on. There they were — my fears about commitment — staring me right in the face. No wonder this pattern of dating "unavailable men" was still hanging around in my life.
Therefore my partner was obviously going to feel unavailable, too. Once I understood my role in the situation, I could move onto the next step of transformation: Choosing to believe a different reality. Could I believe that by making myself fully available to a man, I could actually be more fulfilled in a relationship than I am now?
- Why you keep dating emotionally unavailable men.
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When I asked myself this question and listened to my truth, the answer was a resounding yes. Deep within my heart, I knew that by being available for love, I could be even happier than I had ever been in relationships before. And so, my transformation began. My work from now on is to be available in relationships.
2. You like your life the way it is, and don't really want a full-on relationship.
To open my heart. To really go for it. I'm committed to doing so, so I know I'm on my way. We can't look outside ourselves to understand why patterns are happening; we need to search within. When I recognized that my own limiting beliefs were holding me back, I had the power to change them. These changes in my beliefs, and subsequent actions, make me more available for love.
This is the only way for me to get what I really want, which is a relationship with someone who is completely available to me. So now it's your turn. Do you have a pattern in relationships that you're ready to change?
If so, answer the following questions to begin your process of transformation:. Any dilemma that reoccurs in relationships is a dilemma that is reoccurring within you. When you face that dilemma and change your beliefs, you will see changes in your reality. Change yourself, and your world will change, too.
Please leave a comment below telling us one belief that is keeping you stuck in relationships, and how you're going to shift it. Food has the power to create a happier and healthier world. Celebrity Nutritionist Kelly LeVeque will show you how.
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The Epiphany That Made Me Stop Dating Unavailable Men - mindbodygreen
Group 10 Created with Sketch. Group 11 Created with Sketch. Group 4 Created with Sketch. I'm feeling this again? All of a sudden, it takes them 6 hours to return a text message. Sometimes, it could take 6 days. We try to make plans, but they can only seem to carve out time when it's convenient for them. When we attempt to have the "defining the relationship" talk, they start saying things like "I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship. We've all been there, trying to move forward in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable. However, some people make it a pattern, dating only the people who dangle the "love carrot" before immediately pulling it back just out of reach.
As I work with clients who are in the struggle, I always point out one of my favorite Wayne Dyer quotes: We attract who we are.
The No. 1 Way to Stop Dating Emotionally Unavailable People
With that in mind, get honest with yourself and ask if YOU are being emotionally available? This isn't about making time or whether you tell your partner how much you care. Rather, it's about whether you are truly expressing your needs. Are you being vulnerable enough to tell the other person about what you are really looking for? Ninety-nine percent of my clients who date emotionally unavailable people admit that they don't openly communicate their deepest desires out of fear that it will "scare the person off" or come across as "clingy. One client flew out of state to reconnect with an old flame from school.
As they planned their weekend, she said her intention was just to "go with the flow and have fun. In fact, they rarely left the bedroom. So after flying home, she was surprised that the guy didn't text her for a week. What she really hoped for was to rekindle a romance and find love, but she was too afraid to state that intention.
So she felt rejected when his first text correspondence didn't happen until a week later, claiming how he had been "too busy" to reach out. When his next text a few weeks later was trying to make plans to meetup for more sex, she felt used. When we are clear in communicating our needs, we can hold our partner accountable to meet them.
More importantly, we can hold ourselves accountable to not settle for less than we want and deserve. Does this mean that you should start suggesting baby names on the first date? Should you ask them to commit after the third date? The key is to slowly build trust, let your guard down, allow yourself to be fully seen, and to unapologetically tell the other person why you are here and what you really want.