Dating a fellow aa member

At some point they split and the woman decides to stop coming to AA. Secondly, I'm of the opinion that relationships can be difficult at times and when you throw alcoholism in the mix a relationship can be deadly. Thirdly, it stops you from sharing what you want to in a meeting. If or when i've had past concerns with relationships i've shared it, if i was to date someone in AA i'd feel reluctant.

On the other hand i'd be wondering if she was sharing stuff about me.

The Pros and Cons of Dating Within the A.A. Program | Addiction Treatment Blog by Addiction Experts

On the other hand however, a couple in AA are both working the same program. They are both attempting to live a good, moral life and can both see where the other is coming from. Also you don't have to have that conversation about your alcoholism with someone you've been dating. Maybe there's a better understanding between couples in AA, than with someone who cannot really understand your alcoholism, or your recovery.

What are your thoughts? What you think you become. Even if the people involved turn a blind eye to this and lean tward the p. I'm not saying that it cant happen just saying that if your attending aa for your sobriety, shouldn't we be focused on it and not adding something else that would be a potential pitfall. A new relationship is not going to solve things.

Last edited by Feeblemind; at I have never dated anyone from AA. Personally I think of the spiritual principle I learned in AA, what is my motive? If I set out to go to meatings with the intention, motivation of meeting and dating someone If it happens and is two people walking the spiritual principles walk then I see no wrong in it.

I have had girlfriends both in and out of AA. The one I dated from AA I did not go looking for, it happen naturally. Stand up, try again and display strength of heart. A friend once suggested to me that NA was a good place to meet people and potentially find romance. He said you would be dealing with 'damaged goods'!

I think I'd rather take the 'damaged goods' risk than date someone who was a practising alcoholic Funnily enough, my brother has now been sober for years, is married with two kids They seem very happy. I think the best advice I've ever been given in respect to this question is this: First, get yourself a plant and learn to look after it.

If it is still alive after a year, then get a pet and look after it, feed it, nurture it and love it. If both your plant and pet are healthy and happy after 2 year's then think about considering dating. It goes in phases. So just curious, Asylum, or anyone else that agrees with Asylum's quote above, how literal do you take that?

Please don't misunderstand, I'm not knocking the quote, or idea at all. I am sincerely and genuinely interested in people's literal take on it. You've got to help me make a stand. You've just got to see me through another day. My body's aching and my time is at hand, I won't make it any other way.

The next AA? Welcome to Moderation Management, where abstinence from alcohol isn't the answer

Originally Posted by Ghostly. I have seen a few that met in the rooms and have a great relationship. I have also seen way more where it only ended bad and resulted in people going back out. I've done it and it never ended good. Today, I dont do it. I feel if one goes into any meeting with the intensions of hooking up, odds are very good it will happen.

Jennifer H. - AA Speaker - Singles in Sobriety Speaker Meeting

On the other hand, its also highly likely the goods will be odd. I met my friend in AA. He was going thru a Divorce and I really didn't think he was serious about the program, but I thought his wife would take him back. She was seeing him and had the new boyfriend on the side and then the new boyfriend bought her a car, and that was the end of the romance and divorce papers finally came in the mail a few years later.

He was seeing a girl on Saturdays for a number of years and another one on Tuesday nights during the week for drinks which worked out perfect for a while. I felt like I was paying a babysitter though. He still refuses to stop drinking. Work left the picture and we have hit a bottom. Carry the message not the MESS. I have always been against 'newcomers' coming in and getting into a relationship, and I myself being 24 having only almost a yr sober at the time and deciding for myself not to get engaged in any type of real meaningful relationship with a woman am now in a very unexpected relationship with a woman in the program, actually meeting her outside of the rooms so to speak.

We have a very healthy relationship and put our programs, spirituality first, and have some amazing conversations on topics pertaining to 'recovery' it has been more helpful than anything, so I believe there is a time and place but the people themselves are the overwhelming factors of course. This one yr rule as you all probably know is not mentioned in the 'Big book', only a recommendation of the therapeutic community.

I have never been one to honestly go out seeking a relationship so in that regard it was easier for myself I believe to wait for the opportunity to present itself in a healthier manor, and I could not be happier with the outcome to this point. I am a newcomer.. My take on it.

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I came into AA to recover and get my life together. I'm working on the recovery part first. I have taken the steps and I am living them now. I'm starting to work on the getting my life together part. Dating is not real high on my list of things to do right now. I have put my will and my life in God's hands I have to have enough faith Whether in or out of the rooms.

They say romance and finance send more people back out And I've seen it more than once. I think a lot of people come in with the idea of getting there life together and then working on recovery And that is a big mistake the way I see it. I enjoy deer hunting quite a bit. Ideally I want a deer to walk up to me at 8am while sitting in my deer stand ready for it and generally that is what happens.

Other times they just seem to come out unexpectedly when I am walking out of the woods. John introduced her to a much cheaper alternative: She soon lost custody of her children and became homeless for a while, still shocked that her life was now about finding her next fix instead of fixing her kids dinner. After a very dark year, she decided to make a change, dropped John, and started going to Alcoholics Anonymous. I was newly sober, clueless and craving love. Blackwood said she began dating a man with nine months sobriety within her first weeks at AA, and later found out he was sleeping with dozens of other women in the same support group, many of whom she had considered friends.

Women trying to recover are falling into the trap of dating in which the goal is not love or mutual support, but a power play in which they are the losers. Joella Striebel, a behavioral health specialist at Gundersen Health System in Wisconsin, says that women have a different pathway to addiction than men. To recover, they must believe they have control over their own lives and can make decisions for themselves, rather than admitting powerlessness — which is one of the main tenets of AA.


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At 15 years old, Hankel not her real last name was already addicted to drugs. By 18, she was running Narcotics Anonymous meetings in her community in New Orleans. Hankel said it was an expensive four-week rehabilitation center that finally helped her; a luxury most people suffering addictions cannot afford. At her facility, she was set up with a personal therapist who paid attention to the specific issues beneath her addiction. If people in rehab programs only focus on their dependencies, they are only scraping the surface of the problem, painting over a broken-down foundation without fixing the splintering wood beneath, Hankel explained.

Without delving down to the root of the problem, it becomes more likely to grow again. Treatment, such as rehabilitation and therapy, is run by professionals who start with their clients from where they are and work with them through a variety of medical and psychological means to build their autonomy, he said.

In contrast, support groups like AA or NA provide merely a peer-to-peer network of individuals supposedly working toward the same goal. In essence, an environment that is touted as a safe space can be anything but. From easier access to substances to sexual harassment, abuse or even outright murder , these programs can inflict further damage. While there are certain AA meetings that are women-only, the availability of these meetings is scarce at best.

Hankel said she was frequently the only woman in a group of 15 or more men, because there was simply no other option in her area. Before a couple years ago, she said, there were no women-only meeting at all.

Dating within AA?

AA boasts over 1. No kid wants to see their parent dating, anyway, but the guys from AA bring it to a whole other level. I was offered drugs there every single time. But what about me? I should put up with that? When she turned 22, she decided to get help, and started going to AA and NA. Her first week there, she met a man who had four years sobriety and began dating him, only to find him isolating her from her friends and family, policing the way she dressed, and eventually hitting her.

Alexia broke it off and left AA, only to fall back into deep depression and substance dependency.