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Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
Topics Life and style Private lives. Relationships Mental health Bipolar disorder Health features. Order by newest oldest recommendations. Show 25 25 50 All. This is not helpful and certainly not an easy quality to deal with in someone you share your life with, but the key to it working is understanding why the person does the things they do so you can work together to help them. In my somewhat limited but quite eventful 26 years of experience, as a person with BPD, the way to make it work with that person is always communication.
But if you learn about the illness, its symptoms and discuss with your partner, you will be able to find healthy ways of dealing with them and I promise you it will be worth it.
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What not to say to someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. Things you only know if you have Borderline Personality Disorder. They may try to bait you into anger, then falsely accuse you of rejecting them, make you doubt reality and your sanity, or even brainwash you as emotional manipulation. It is not unusual for them to cut off friends and relatives who they feel have betrayed them. They react to their profound fears of abandonment with needy and clingy behavior or anger and fury that reflect their own skewed reality and self-image.
What It’s Like To Be In A Relationship With Someone Who Has BPD
In a close relationship, they must walk a tightrope to balance the fear of being alone or of being too close. To do so, they try to control with commands or manipulation, including flattery and seduction.
Whereas narcissists enjoy being understood, too much understanding frightens the borderline. Generally, borderlines are codependent, and find another codependent to merge with and to help them. They seek someone to provide stability and balance their changeable emotions.
What You Need to Know When Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder
A codependent or narcissist who acts self-sufficient and controls his or her feelings can provide a perfect match. The person with BPD may appear to be the underdog in the relationship, while his or her partner is the steady, needless and caretaking top dog. They each exercise control in different ways. The non-BPD may do it through caretaking. Passion and intense emotions are enlivening to the person without BPD, who finds being alone depressing or experiences healthy people as boring.
Codependents already have low self-esteem and poor boundaries, so they placate, accommodate, and apologize when attacked in order to maintain the emotional connection in the relationship.
Setting a boundary can sometimes snap them out of their delusional thinking. Calling their bluff also is helpful.
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Both strategies require that you build his or her self-esteem, learn to be assertive, and derive outside emotional support. Giving in to them and giving them control does not make them feel more safe, but the opposite. See also my blog on manipulation. BPD affects women more than men and about two percent of the U. BPD usually is diagnosed in young adulthood when there has been a pattern of impulsivity and instability in relationships, self-image, and emotions. They may use alcohol, food, or drugs or other addiction to try to self-medicate their pain, but it only exacerbates it.
Like all personality disorders, BPD exists on a continuum, from mild to severe.